I get more material from airports! From the spaces (the few that there are) allotted to smokers, to the hierarchal structure that airlines creates for their customers, the material sometimes feels endless. Just in time for the holiday traveling, I thought I would examine the latter.
On my last trip to Florida and back, I found myself cloistered into what I will call spaces of “flight class.” From purchasing my airplane tickets, to waiting to board the plane, to my experience on the plane, I found myself wound up in a tangle of capitalist division where I was one of the “second classes” of flying culture.
First, let’s start with the ticket buying process. I am not an “elite” anything. I do not have “points.” I do not belong to any special flying “club.” Nor do I own and utilize any of those special credit cards that make me a “gold,” “platinum,” or “preferred” member (more on this later). I am quite simply a woman looking for the best price I can find on tickets, which means I scan the internet for those “cheap tickets.” I used to go through the airlines, but I found that nine times out of ten they were more expensive than the internet sites. However, because of this need to find the most economical way to fly, I end up taking different airlines and do not accrue points for a later date. Even if I did accrue the points, I would be confused as to how, when, and under what conditions I would be allowed to use those points (oh the horror stories I have heard from friends and family on this account!). Nevertheless, my point is if you cannot afford to use the same airline every time you fly, you can’t earn their points (which they try to not let you use) and so you can’t earn the special favors or the elevated status of “preferred.”
Add this experience with the other cultural practices and you start to feel like you are nothing better than a piece of chewed-up gum under the shoe of, say, US Airways. Now I only pick on US Airways because they happen to be the airline I was stuck with on this flight. I could easily use many of the other airlines to make my points as the airline culture does not differ radically between airlines (although I do know some are not as “elitest” oriented as US Air). But US Air it was, and so they are the ones that will get the brut of my critical observations.
First I check in. Because I am not a “preferred” person or a first class flyer, I get little to no help. Although you can check in online, I avoid this as I once had a terrible experience doing it. So, it is to the long lines and the computer setup areas. Of course the “preferred” folks have the short line and get to talk to what one assumes is a live human being. Yet these “elite” folks are few, as their line is small. To the Airport culture, mirroring our everyday culture, the elite are a small population compared to the amount of gum-on-bottom-of-shoe folks.
After checking in and having a human person check in my bag, I walk to security where everything is scrutinized. Here there is no elite line (although I have seen in some airports a first class passenger line where the folks get the ‘royal’ security checkout); we are all in the same boat. I take off my shoes, coat, and watch and am grateful that I can keep my underwear and bra on. However one wonders about the bra. On this trip I was sporting an under-wire bra and if a metal nail file can be considered a weapon, what about the wire in my bra???? But I digress. After disrobing, showing the contents of my medication (unlike Rush Limbaugh, I keep the goods under my name), and re-collecting the under 4oz of hand sanitation liquid, toothpaste and cough syrup, I walk to my gate and am verbally accosted by US Air employees wanting me to apply for their special Visa card where I have to pay a yearly fee (privilege ?) of $99 for a variable APR interest of 18.24 percent. I am told that this card is a “special” card—one that will give me, immediately, 25,000 bonus miles once I put only 1 dollar on the card, that I will become a “preferred” person when I fly and I might get a free ticket for whomever I am traveling with. But they lost me at the $99 annual fee and the 18.24 interest rate. However, it is nice to know that elite status can still be bought even if it wasn’t inherited or bestowed divinely! Ah capitalism! But again, I digress.
I then wait for my “Zone” to be called. I am in Zone 5 and there are only 6 Zones so I know I have a long wait. The woman next to me asks me what Zone I am in while telling me, and see seemed delighted by this proclamation, that she is in Zone 1: “But you know, I bought this ticket ages ago and so I get to board after the first class.” Zones would make sense to me if they were arranged in such a way as to load the plane from back to front. But this is not the case as when I enter with my other zone 5 mates, I noticed that people are seated all over the plane—front, back, middle—and so it does appear as if my “zone 1” friend was right: “first come first serve!” It is simply another way to let you know how “preferred” you are in the grand scheme of “preferrededness.”
Anyway, as I sink into my rather small seat, I am indoctrinated with phrases of “preferrededness,” by the flight attendants to remind me of my gum-on-bottom-of-shoe status: “preferred members,” “elite members,” “first class passengers,” “star alliance network members” and so on. Each of these different members get special privileges such as, I am guessing, free headphones and an extra bag of those awful snack mixes!
The headphones are such a bloody scam! You pay to buy a pair of headphones that will ONLY work in their plane because of the two prong design (I have noticed that this 2 prong design is different for most airlines making the headphone non-compatible with other airlines). And here too I was reminded of my gum-on-bottom-of shoe place as one male airline attendant snuck a free pair of headphones to another male passenger while approximately 20 of us were waiting in line to use the bathroom. The passenger who received this gift saw that I saw the hand off and smiled sheeply at me: “go ahead” I thought, “take your free headphone . . . I think they are stupid anyway!!!!!”
This brings me to another “preferred” airline culture fact: there are only 4 bathrooms on a plane that sits approximately 160 people–two in the front of the plane and two in the back. The front bathrooms are saved for the first class folks (all 10 of them) and the back two bathrooms are for 150 non-preferred folks –that is a 75 to 1 bathroom ratio. Now, I was sitting next to a man who really, and I mean really, needed to use the bathroom. He saw the line of folks for the back of the plane and, pragmatically, went instead to the first class area to use the bathroom. He was quickly kicked out even though no one was using the bathrooms up front, and was forced to stay in line for the non-preferred, elite, US Air club and non-star alliance network bathroom. My bladder felt for him . . . the insanity!
Finally, when the flight was almost over, we were again bombarded with the opportunity to get that special visa card from our flight attendants who worked hard to sell the program and get us to fill out the application right then and there. Folks who were sleeping found applications sitting on their tray tables or laps (one attendant put an application on the lap of my poor bathroom man while he was sleeping). The implication was if we wanted the status, if we wanted to use a bathroom with relatively no wait, if we wanted to use the airport elite-preferred club, or get those miles, we will pay for that privilege. To not to pay, to not consent to the concept of debt, was at once equated to not being part of the group, not enjoying concepts of preferrededness, eliteness, star potential (as in their star alliance network) and other catch phrases coined to make one feel special and noted. As for me, I guess I will continue to be that gum-on-the-bottom-of-the-shoe flying passenger—I will just make sure to use the bathroom at the airport several times before I walk onto the plane for a long flight!